How to feel valued at work
As humans, we all want to feel valued. Feeling valued means you clearly see that you are important, beneficial, and cherished. In our distant past, it was incredibly important to be valued because it meant survival; to be part of the group literally helped you avoid death. Now in our more modern world, being separated from or left out of the group rarely has such a traumatic impact, but your not-so-modern human brain does a poor job at remembering that.
We spend a significant amount of our waking hours working, so it makes sense that we want to feel valued at work. When you think that you are not valued at work, you can start to feel anxious, angry, sad, or defeated. It can look like not speaking up in meetings, not letting your ideas be heard, or doing work but just going through the motions. All of these behaviors reinforce for yourself that you are not valued. Your brain will naturally look for, and find evidence to show you all the reasons you aren’t valued. And in turn, it will almost subconsciously discount the times when you could interpret being valued.
So what should you do if you don’t feel valued by the company you are working for? Or if your boss doesn’t seem to care about you or the work you are doing?
The most important thing is to remember that this isn’t about others validating your worth. If you want to feel valuable, right now, working for the same manager and working for the same company, you can still feel that way.
To start, separate your self-worth from the job and company that you work for. You are valuable. Nothing you do or don’t do at work changes that. People may truly value you at work, but when you don’t believe in your own value, no one else will be able to convince you of it. And once you clearly understand your worth and value, if you are still unsatisfied, perhaps you then decide to work somewhere that people are better at expressing those things because they also understand their own self-worth.
Try this simple activity to get started:
Write down all the ways that you value about yourself.
Try on some thoughts about yourself:
I am valuable.
I value me.
I am important.
Make a list of things you wish someone would tell you.
I’m proud of you.
You did great on that project.
You are really important to this team.
Now tell yourself these things! It may feel silly at first, but practice and stay at it, I promise you this will make a difference.
If this is new to you, and you have spent a lot of time not knowing your value and embracing your worth, realize that your brain is going to continue to offer thoughts going against that. And know that it’s OK. It is completely normal. Then keep looking for evidence of how you are valuable. And keep practicing reminding yourself of it. What are all the ways you are important?
